My Body the Iceberg Lettuce

This will make little sense to those who've never compared their body to produce, but stick with me. In time I hope to make some sense. Whether it happens in this post or at some future date is up for debate...

And we're off!

After my test walk/shuffle on the treadmill of Thursday last I felt that same old discomfort in the lower right abdominal region that had me pining for the fetal position brought on by self-pity. (I've had lots of practice at that since last June, in case that wasn't clear.) My session with the massage therapist yesterday confirmed that I should, yet again, lay off anything even resembling moving forward in a bipedal fashion with anything even resembling pace for the foreseeable future. "Dangnabit!" I said to myself as the pain of the session increased with each passing minute. "Am I cursed to spend the rest of my time pursuing sedentary activities?!" I screamed with my inside (not indoor) voice (parents out there will know the difference).

Then it came to me as I ate lunch today after another brisk weight training session: my body reacts to running like iceberg lettuce reacts to caesar salad dressing (ie. not too well).

Before you ask, "What idiot would try and make caesar salad with iceberg lettuce?", allow me to defend myself. There was a container of washed and chopped up lettuce in the fridge and in my haste to get to work I grabbed it, stopping just long enough to spoon a dollop of dressing onto the contents.

Fast forward to lunchtime and after shaking that container to spread the dressing I began to enjoy my food. Low and behold, the dressing did not disperse as anticipated. With romaine lettuce the stuff does the job nicely and each leaf is covered with just the right amount of goo. But with iceberg lettuce, no such luck. Some were completely caked with dressing; others dry as *insert metaphor*.

And it hit me: my body soaks itself with exercise (leading to overuse injury) or remains dry and undernourished (leading to underuse injury). I need to find a happy medium.

Here's hoping my stupid midsection allows me to try...

The iPlod Shuffle

February brought with it almost perfect running weather, though I was not able to take advantage of it. The whole Winter's been perfect for running! We've had almost no snow, very little rain really, and temperatures above freezing more often than not. I picked the wrong time to be out of commission...

February also brought with it a bout of pneumonia that knocked me out for three weeks. It was crazy! If you have a choice I recommend strongly that you avoid whatever it is that causes this ailment, be it bacteria or virus. I was initially diagnosed with a viral throat infection and told to rest for a few days. After trying that the fevers and full on body chills were my reward and so it was back to the doctor again. This time the diagnosis was a bit more precise: a touch of ear infection, with a dash of strep throat, and a crop dusting of pneumonia. Heavy duty anti-biotics were prescribed and I was out of commission for a full week. It's not fun lying around in bed all day while goo keeps coming out of your lungs, let me tell ya...

That brings us to now. After three weeks of weakness, losing about 10lbs, and general malaise, I finally got back to the gym this past Monday. I took things really easy, but boy am I sore! I'm shocked how a bit of down time can leave me feeling like I haven't touched weights in years the day after a workout. Tuesday I managed what I thought was a really light leg workout. Well, my legs feel like they've completely atrophied and I am in so much pain. That being said, this little turn of events has lead to something unexpected...

But first, I will back up to relate that the massage therapist who I've been seeing weekly since last October has given me the green light to test my limits a little bit. I think he meant things like half lunges, exotic foods, and the like, but yours truly took it to mean TRY RUNNING!

What I did today cannot in any way, shape or form be characterized as running. More accurately it can be called "plodding" or "shuffling". I did this little test on a treadmill at the gym (where I went ostensibly to stretch because there was no way I could do any leg weights today). I walked two minutes, shuffled for three, walked for two, shuffled for three, until the clock read 20 minutes. Then I figured I should back off and proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes stretching. It remains to be seen how this foray into plodding will affect my groin injury. But an hour or so after the fact I don't feel anything that would set my alarms ablaze so things are looking promising. It wasn't anything to write home about (so that's why I'm typing it up here), but it was a start.

It's something, no?